"The coldness of the Wolf"

I have something dark inside. It's always been there, i know it. But I haven't. I had never been there, not for real. But now... This thing that had been growing inside during all those years... It's coming to the surface, as it would eventually. And I can see it now. I can sense it better. I can see its true colors. And I know how dangerous it could be to let it really come to the surface. So I'm pushing it down again. But to do that... I have to go down too. How dangerous does that sound to you? To really dive in your own darkness. You never know how strong, deep and dark your own darkness really is. But you may find out that you can actually enjoy it somehow. After all... It's part of who or what you really are! It's what nobody else knows.
The thing is... you may find out you can't come back. Not entirely or not without serious damage. And it actually scares you out of your wits when you start to notice the slight differences that have already came up.
I can't write anymore. I can't draw anymore. I can't study anymore. I can't think anymore! I mean...
Not the way I'm supposed to.
Sometimes I even feel like crying, but it doesn't make sense. I don't have anything to cry for. It's completely... pointless. So, it happens I can't cry. Maybe this.... "Dark Passenger" doesn't want me to cry. Won't let me.
But I must do something about it. And I must do it by myself!
I can either try to get rid of this or to accept it. In either way I'll have to move on. But one thing is... certain. I have to stop distracting myself from it. It's not helping at all. Because now is the time to really face what I am; what I have become and what I am to become.
It's like... the big turn! It's the balance you'll have to do of your life before you can move on it.
It shouldn't be so difficult. But that's for those who don't have a Dark Passenger willing to come to the surface. Or that's for those who don't like this idea.
My problem is I kinda... Love it.



R.N.